Hetalia sexual headcanons (oh shit I went there)

I blame patron-palhoncho (GO TO HER BLOG, GUYS, DO IT) for making me post these.

Okay, so in my Hetalia headcanon, sex between nations = alliances. (That’s why I hate it when Nations have ~boyfriends~ because they have to fuck everybody to keep international relations stable, but that is a whole different story.) Long story short, Nations can have their favorites but aren’t limited to ONE partner. Because having one ally is… silly.

America is the slut of the world because he has so many allies.

Germany is a massive prude.

France is France.

North Korea is practically a nun (except for China, ohoho).

Canada is allies with everybody as well, but he’s like the less attractive America, so they all have sex with America instead.

Spain tends to get people in bed and then they regret it later because oops, your country is his now (i.e. many South American countries, Mexico, etc. etc.)

England is too experienced for his own good. In his imperial days, he did the same thing as Spain. (i.e. “OH, INDIA, MM, WHAT A LOVELY COUNTRY YOU HAVE HERE… WELL, SINCE WE JUST FUCKED AHAHAHA it’s mine now.”)

Russia pretends to be a big cuddly teddy bear AND OOPS HE’S ACTUALLY THE CRAZY GIRLFRIEND THAT THREATENS TO KILL HERSELF IF YOU LEAVE. (i.e.  ”I REALLY COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU WHY WOULD YOU GOOOOOO”)

N. Italy’s a big slut just because he doesn’t care…

…And Romano is TOO CATHOLIC TO EVER THINK ABOUT DICKS EVER

GOSH WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT

UGH

GROSS

THAT IS INSULTING TO JESUS

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